It’s been a while since I stopped by this tiny virtual home of mine. To be honest, I’ve still been dealing with the aftermath of the death of my cat, Ludwig, and my broken relationship. There’ve been good days with some terrible ones sprinkled between.
For the past months, I’ve figured out that letting go isn’t as easy as all those pretty Pinterest quotes suggest. I mean, how can I let go of a relationship that lasted almost a decade and went through more crap than most but had really good moments? How can I let go of the love of my life, of the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with as if it meant nothing? Something in me will remain broken and empty for as long as I live, no matter how much self-love I pour into myself. And letting go won’t change that.
The past six months I went on a roller coaster ride through Hell. Even Dean Winchester’s stay in the Underworld looks cozy in comparison. Trust me, I do not wish any of these experiences on anyone, not even on my worst enemy. EVER.
Meditation has helped a lot with daily stuff. I don’t mind getting stuck in traffic anymore, but I still can’t deal with unpleasant emotions. After the earthquake, it took me close to a month to release the anxiety and panic I felt before I could go to sleep. Dealing with anger and resentment might take a while longer before I can breathe fresh air again.
I mean, Bruce Wayne needed three tries to climb out of the prison in India after Bane broke his back, and save Gotham. Sameen Shaw survived 7,000 simulations before escaping captivity in South Africa and save the world from Samaritan. There’s still hope for me even if I don’t want to save the world, right?
Bruce Wayne and Shaw getting out of their Hell.
I don’t know what this new year will bring but I hope it won’t come with any more bad surprises like the last one. I’ve had enough bad shit happen in my life and I want, heck, NEED good things to come my way.
I’m in the middle of getting my home studio set up and I’ll give you a little tour when it’s ready. I’m also looking forward to going to more craft fairs this year and blog on a more regular basis. For now, I want to blog every other week until I have a bit more time to hit the keyboard again. As Dean says, “you got to keep grinding.”
I’m wishing you a wonderful year. May all your wishes and projects materialize.
P.S. I want to thank Spii Graphics, Gudrun Dahle, Janet Taylor and Shelly Seward for donating to the Topos Rescue Brigade. Together you raised $15.00! It may not seem like much, but it made a difference to the rescue efforts after the September 19 earthquake. THANK YOU SO MUCH, may many blessings come your way!